Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Aidan's New Toy

As I wandered into the living room to write this blog post, I spotted Rex sitting on a dining room chair that has been in our living room since my birthday party, and that Rex has grown to love, presumably because it is befitting a gentleman of his stature to sit upon such a visually attractive chair. He emoted at me with his eyes as I passed by. I was overwhelmed with love and grabbed his little face, planting a big kiss on his head. "You are too cute and I love you so much!" I squealed. Aidan, who had been napping on the couch, popped his head up to watch me and Rex. I glanced at him as I released Rex and went towards the couch and the laptop. Aidan's head swiveled along with my progress. His feelings weren't hurt yet... When I got closer, he tilted his face up to gaze wetly at me. I planted a kiss on the top of his wee skull and sat down. As soon as I did his chin crashed down onto the couch cushion and he was back asleep in an instant. I glanced over at Rex. He was staring at Aidan. He licked his lips, thoughtfully, then decided that since he had been kissed first, he was obviously my favorite and all was well between him and the dog. He curled up on the chair and commenced staring into space. All is peaceful in the living room today.

Aidan's New Toy
When Aidan visited me at work (which I will probably post about later) I snagged him a totally sweet Minnie Mouse baby doll that had been in the Lost and Found for months and was now up for grabs. At first he seemed disinterested in the doll, but then I started hearing reports that he had been playing with it while I was gone.

I didn't witness it until the other night when I was playing Plants Vs. Zombies while Davey and Sir watched Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Aidan was curled up against my thigh with his chin resting on my knee, very cutely. He wasn't getting in my way or being really annoying, but sometimes I want my leg to myself, so I grabbed the Minnie doll from beside me and tossed it across the room.

"Attack!" Aidan yelled, leaping off the couch and pouncing on Minnie. He dragged her limp corpse onto the cushions beside me and began to chew on her body. This is when he discovered something wonderful and fantastic about his new Minnie toy that his other toys lacked. As he pulled at the fabric of her pink onesie, the velcro on the back began to pull apart with a satisfying ripping sound. Aidan tensed his wee muscles and flexed his jaw, clearly feeling very powerful.

"I have ripped apart her skin, mother," he said, his eyes glowing brightly. "I am a true wolf brother."

I didn't know where this wolf brother nonsense was coming from, but it was adorable that he was playing with a baby doll.

I grabbed it from him.

"No!" he complained, trying to grab her back. "I was just getting to the meat!"

I pressed the sturdy velcro back together and handed it back to Aidan.

"Mom! You weren't supposed to make her better! Now I have to start all over again," he groaned, tearing back into her onesie with his weak little teeth. "There!"

I grabbed her again.

"Stop curing her when I'm having fun," whined Aidan.

Davey grabbed the toy from me, and Aidan snatched at it. A rousing game of tug of war ensued, before Davey finally stopped pretending like Aidan could beat him and yanked the baby doll away.

"My baby toy!" Aidan had time to whine before Davey tossed the doll back to our certified wolf brother, who quit complaining and jumped onto the doll.

"You're mine, now, baby thing," Aidan growled, shaking Baby Minnie around to make sure she was still dead.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Rex Causes a Problem and Aidan Doesn't Really Help

It was my birthday BBQ, and Rex had had enough of it. While everyone was outside watching Davey work the grill, Rex was inside, whining.

"Everyone's out there but me," he complained through the screen door. "I'm lonely."

I could sympathize with his plight. I pulled out his harness and lead, clipping him in so he could go outside with everybody else, but couldn't dash off and hide in some cranny or get over the fence.

"is that better, sweetie?" I asked, bringing him out into the yard.

"I'm uncomfortable in this dumb harness and there's too many people and I think something tiny is trying to kill me," he sulked, crouched in a patch of shade and twitching nervously every time a large fleck of dust wafted too near to his face. A couple times, the danger from airborne particles was so great that he found it necessary to spring three feet into the air and over to the side another foot in order to avoid contact with the diabolical pollen.

So I put him back inside, where he took refuge in my bedroom for almost the duration of the party. I checked on him a couple of times to see if he wanted to come out, but he felt there were too many guests crowded into our living room playing Rock Band and eating chips for him to really have a good time.

As the hour got later and the head count began to dwindle, he found the courage to emerge. I had had some wine and was finally up to taking the microphone in Rock Band and was trying my hand at singing a song I had never heard before in my life when I saw Rex bound through the cracked open screen door. 

"Hey," I shouted. "You little crap bucket!"

My friend, Julianne, dashed out after him and grabbed him before he had worked up the courage to leave the safety of our cement patio and go hide out in the wilderness of our acre back yard. She hefted him back inside and shut the door.

I shook my head at him, but figured he was done causing trouble, and that with six people in the room and the door closed, he wouldn't be able to slide it open before someone stopped him.

I was in the middle of singing another song I had never heard before in my life when I saw Rex's small, black, pissed off form once more. He  was silhouetted against the screen door for a moment before he swiped the door open and darted outside. I pointed at him, so someone closer could snag him, but no one understood my admittedly unfathomable gesture, except maybe Aidan. It took me a few shouts of "Pause the song! I have to go get my little shit cat!" before anyone heard me over the music and aquiesced to my request.

I stomped outside with a bag of tempting cat treats and started calling Rex's name. He stayed silent. Julianne followed me out with a flashlight she had in her purse, because she is cleverer than I, and began to go through the yard, sweeping the beam beneath cars and into bushes. Aidan jangled around my feet.

"I'm helping! I'm helping!" he snorted, thrilled to be so serviceable.

He wasn't actually helping, since Rex tends to go the other direction when he hears Aidan's tags, but I couldn't convince him to leave and was too preoccupied to physically drag him in the house and shut the door.

"I found him!" called Julianne. Aidan and I jogged over to where she was, next to an old RV. I peeked underneath, and sure enough, there was my little stinker. I held out some of the cat treats. Aidan peeked over my shoulder at them, but didn't try to eat them when I shot him a look that said, "Come near my hand and you will never wear a sweater again."

Rex, big eyes and clearly traumatized by everyone yelling his name and shining lights at him, crept slowly towards my hand, enticed by the snacks. I reached out my other hand, petted his face gently, and was just about to grab him when Aidan came around from behind me to see what was happening. Rex darted away. I scambled to grab him, but only ended up pulling his tail as Aidan took off after him with a cry of, "I'll get him, Mom! I'll get that guy and bring him to you!"

"Murderer!" said Rex, as he ran away looking thoroughly harrowed. 

"We didn't get him," I said, redundantly as Rex took refuge behind the hedges lining the back house's porch.

"Nice try," encouraged Aidan.

I looked at the dog. "You... Arg! Aidan! I... ARG!"

Davey took this moment to call the pug inside before I started shouting.

Julianne and I terrified Rex a little more with the flashlight and yelling his name before Aidan reemerged from the house and trotted directly to where my cat was and mashed his face against the hedge. While I was trying to get Aidan away from the cat's hiding spot, Rex slithered out from beneath the decorative bushes and made a beeline towards the hole into the space beneath the house where I found him after his first escapade into the outdoors after we moved in. He disappeared into the blackness. I plopped onto my butt in front of the hole and sagged.

"Nice try, again," cheered Aidan.

"Go away," I said.

Someone came and got him. Julianne brought me my cigarettes and my other friend, Dominic, came outside to join me in my cancer while I waited for Rex. Finally, after a shorter amount of time than I thought, Rex recovered from the trauma he seemed to have experienced, and meowed.

"Mom, are you there?"

"Come on out, Rex," I said.

He crawled up out of the vent and I grabbed him.

"That shit got real," he said, forlornly, repeating something I liked to say about television shows. "I've become hard."

"You don't even know what a hard life is," I said, slinging him over my shoulder and carrying him inside, my friends trailing behind me like a parade. "Aidan used to live on the streets of Los Angeles."

"Was that my name?" asked Aidan, eagerly. "Oh, look! There's that cat! Yay! You found Rex! I helped the most! Hide and seek! We win!"

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Some Quick Stories About Rex and Aidan

Oh, golly. it's been almost a whole month since last your heard any news from the lives of Aidan and Rex. I've started working opening shifts at work, and so have not been spending as many days at home alone with them. There's been a lot more poop showing up on the carpet as a direct result of this. Since I don't have any big stories to relay, I will tell you some short ones.

Rex Has No Respect For My Health

Every few days, I get home from work, set down my purse, and stand for a moment in the living room, debating what to do next. At this point, someone wanders into the kitchen and tells me how Rex got out into the backyard again. The little snot learned how to open the sliding door and has been sneaking out and skulking around our yard for the past month. He's quick about it, too. One morning I was making a smoothie while keeping an eye on my cat, who was lurking at the door suspiciously and watching the tree branches sway. I looked down for one moment to turn on the blender, and when I looked back up he had gotten the door open and was crouched on the patio, working up the courage to run for the fence.

"Rex!" I snapped, hurrying to the door. He looked over his shoulder at me and tensed to flee if I tried to grab him. We had had this battle before. It usually ended with at least one of us covered in dirt and the both of us pouting and feeling ill-used by the other. I decided to try something different.

"Sweetie, come back inside," I entreated.

Rex faltered, his eyes growing wide with confusion.

"Come on, Rex," I cooed.

I could see his brain working. On the one hand, he wanted to be an independent guy and go outdoors, but on the other hand, he loved me better than anything. He rarely almost never went outside when I was home, and if he was still hiding somewhere out there when I returned from work, he would usually come running for the door as soon as he heard my voice.

"Mom!" he would purr, as he came in the door and followed me around the house, basking in my presence. "I'm so glad you're home!"

It was this affection that I was counting on to get him back in the house now.

"Mom," he said, uncertainly, looking back out at the yard. "I made plans..."

I stepped over him out the door, turning around so I was standing in front of him. He looked up at me.

"Okay," he said.

I picked him up and carried him inside.

Aidan Hates Strangers

My friend, Dan, was coming to stay with us for the weekend. Davey had driven off somewhere to do something, and it was just me, Aidan, and Rex hanging out. I was playing Plants Vs. Zombies while I waited for Dan to arrive, and the boys were sleeping. Rex likes people and Aidan had met Dan before, so I figured there wouldn't be any silliness on either of their parts.

I was wrong.

Aidan had stopped barking at dark-skinned people when we went on walks, but he seemed to have replaced his venom for non-whites out on the street for all humans inside of his house. When I opened the door to let Dan in, Aidan took one look at my 6'7" giant friend and flipped out.

"Go away! Go away!" he barked, his eyes bugging out.

"Hi, Dan," I greeted.

Aidan looked at me. "Mom! Do you see this dangerous hooligan? He is in my home! Go away! Go away!"

"Don't you remember me from dodge ball that time, Aidan?" Dan asked, politely.

"Monster!" gasped Aidan. "I have never seen you in my life, fiend!"

He followed Dan into the living room, where he set down his overnight bag. Rex sprung awake.

"Dan!" he rejoiced. "Give me a pet on the head!"

"Hi, Rex," said Dan, giving him the requested pat.

"I can open doors!" Rex announced.

Aidan sat next to me on the couch. "Don't touch that cat! That is my step-brother and you had better not touch him!" barked Aidan, safe in the knowledge that I would defend him if he said anything uncouth enough to turn things physical.

"Aidan, shhhhhhhhh," I said, putting my arm around him. This usually calmed him when I had guests over that he felt he needed to defend the house from.

"No, Mother," he said. "That man is a menace to our way of life."

"I like you," Rex told Dan, "and I don't think you're a menace." He lowered his voice. "That guy Aidan is a menace. He puts his face in my butt and he hogs all the attention. He stepped on me!"

"Rex! That man is not your friend!" Aidan ordered, bossily.

"He is our friend," I hissed. "Dan, sit down."

Dan had been hovering, unsure of what to do while the dinky pug mouthed off at him. He sat on the other side of me on the couch. Aidan's eyes bugged out in terror. I pulled him closer to my side.

"Dan is not going to hurt you," I said, firmly.

"He's huge," whispered Aidan.

"I don't care," I said. "Our house is safe. Stop with the 'bow bow bow' nonsense."

Aidan kept his eyes on Dan for a few minutes more, then decided that I had been right about the lack of danger.

Aidan Steps On Rex

I was half asleep but mostly awake when Rex came into my room. He hummed to himself as he wandered up towards my head. I had my face partially covered by the blanket, which, to Rex, is a recipe for disaster.

"You'll suffocate!" he meowed at me, trying to dig the blanket off of my mouth.

"Hi, Rex," I said, muffled by the covers.

"Can you hear me?" Rex demanded, still pawing at my face. "You will die without an air hole!"

I lowered the blanket.

"I have to watch you like a hawk, Mom," he said. "You're going you give me a heart attack one day."

"Mmmmm, I love you," I said.

"I love you, too," he said, trying to figure out how he was going to lie against me with optimum comfort. I lifted my death blanket for him to crawl under.

"How is it you don't suffocate when you're under the blanket?" I mused, watching him make his way down to my belly.

"I don't know. I just don't. Maybe because I don't breathe it into my mouth like you do," he said, curling up so that we made two spoons.

Now that we live with Aidan, I don't get as much time to snuggle with my cat as I think both of us would like, so I was very much enjoying this quiet interlude with Rex while Davey slept and Aidan was somewhere else. I sighed happily.

Suddenly, there was a jingle. Aidan.

"Oh, swears," I mumbled. Rex was oblivious to the coming danger, but I knew very well that Aidan, for all his perfections, did not pay attention to where he stepped on the bed. Ever. Many a time had my head or neck become a platform on which he would tread.

"La la la!" Aidan sang to himself as he hopped on the bed and wended his way up from my feet towards my face, which he was planning on sniffing. I threw my arm across Rex beneath the blanket and tried to shield him from Aidan's impressive 24 lbs, but I was too thin to fully cover my cat's body. One of Aidan's paws landed on Rex's fleshy middle and my cat dashed from beneath the covers.

"Yikes!" said Aidan, startled by the cat in turn. "What was that thing???"

"You stepped on me!" Rex accused, from the center of the room.

"I stepped on the cat!" Aidan announced.

"That was a rude thing you did," sulked Rex, completely forgetting a time some months before.

Rex Steps On Aidan

We were only barely moved in and Rex was still scared of the pug, daring to venture into our room and onto our bed when the dog was out of sight. Sometimes he would spring up onto the bed after carefully peeping over the top to discover Aidan had been there all along, and he would run away as fast as he could. On this occasion, he could not see Aidan because Aidan was under the covers next to Davey.

I couldn't help but giggle a little at what was about to happen, because I knew no one was going to get hurt. Rex weighs only 17 lbs to Aidan's 24 and most of it is squish, whereas Aidan, though somewhat portly, is still pretty solid.

"Don't let him know Aidan is under there," I whispered at Davey, who seemed to be equally excited about seeing what was about to take place. He nodded, and we held our breaths in anticipation.

Rex cautiously made his way across the bed and over to me, where I gave him a kiss and scratched behind his ears. Then he made his way over to see Davey. Like a boot on a landmine, his paw came down on Aidan's back.

"Oh my Gosh, what happened to me?" Aidan jumped up, trying to get out from the covers. "It felt like the weight of a thousand worlds!"

"It's that dog!" shrieked Rex, sprinting out of the room in fear.

"Rex, it's okay!" I called after him, but he was gone.

"That was confusing, but I'm okay now," Aidan reassured, bringing the attention back around to him.

Villains, both of them.