Saturday, April 2, 2011

Some Quick Stories About Rex and Aidan

Oh, golly. it's been almost a whole month since last your heard any news from the lives of Aidan and Rex. I've started working opening shifts at work, and so have not been spending as many days at home alone with them. There's been a lot more poop showing up on the carpet as a direct result of this. Since I don't have any big stories to relay, I will tell you some short ones.

Rex Has No Respect For My Health

Every few days, I get home from work, set down my purse, and stand for a moment in the living room, debating what to do next. At this point, someone wanders into the kitchen and tells me how Rex got out into the backyard again. The little snot learned how to open the sliding door and has been sneaking out and skulking around our yard for the past month. He's quick about it, too. One morning I was making a smoothie while keeping an eye on my cat, who was lurking at the door suspiciously and watching the tree branches sway. I looked down for one moment to turn on the blender, and when I looked back up he had gotten the door open and was crouched on the patio, working up the courage to run for the fence.

"Rex!" I snapped, hurrying to the door. He looked over his shoulder at me and tensed to flee if I tried to grab him. We had had this battle before. It usually ended with at least one of us covered in dirt and the both of us pouting and feeling ill-used by the other. I decided to try something different.

"Sweetie, come back inside," I entreated.

Rex faltered, his eyes growing wide with confusion.

"Come on, Rex," I cooed.

I could see his brain working. On the one hand, he wanted to be an independent guy and go outdoors, but on the other hand, he loved me better than anything. He rarely almost never went outside when I was home, and if he was still hiding somewhere out there when I returned from work, he would usually come running for the door as soon as he heard my voice.

"Mom!" he would purr, as he came in the door and followed me around the house, basking in my presence. "I'm so glad you're home!"

It was this affection that I was counting on to get him back in the house now.

"Mom," he said, uncertainly, looking back out at the yard. "I made plans..."

I stepped over him out the door, turning around so I was standing in front of him. He looked up at me.

"Okay," he said.

I picked him up and carried him inside.

Aidan Hates Strangers

My friend, Dan, was coming to stay with us for the weekend. Davey had driven off somewhere to do something, and it was just me, Aidan, and Rex hanging out. I was playing Plants Vs. Zombies while I waited for Dan to arrive, and the boys were sleeping. Rex likes people and Aidan had met Dan before, so I figured there wouldn't be any silliness on either of their parts.

I was wrong.

Aidan had stopped barking at dark-skinned people when we went on walks, but he seemed to have replaced his venom for non-whites out on the street for all humans inside of his house. When I opened the door to let Dan in, Aidan took one look at my 6'7" giant friend and flipped out.

"Go away! Go away!" he barked, his eyes bugging out.

"Hi, Dan," I greeted.

Aidan looked at me. "Mom! Do you see this dangerous hooligan? He is in my home! Go away! Go away!"

"Don't you remember me from dodge ball that time, Aidan?" Dan asked, politely.

"Monster!" gasped Aidan. "I have never seen you in my life, fiend!"

He followed Dan into the living room, where he set down his overnight bag. Rex sprung awake.

"Dan!" he rejoiced. "Give me a pet on the head!"

"Hi, Rex," said Dan, giving him the requested pat.

"I can open doors!" Rex announced.

Aidan sat next to me on the couch. "Don't touch that cat! That is my step-brother and you had better not touch him!" barked Aidan, safe in the knowledge that I would defend him if he said anything uncouth enough to turn things physical.

"Aidan, shhhhhhhhh," I said, putting my arm around him. This usually calmed him when I had guests over that he felt he needed to defend the house from.

"No, Mother," he said. "That man is a menace to our way of life."

"I like you," Rex told Dan, "and I don't think you're a menace." He lowered his voice. "That guy Aidan is a menace. He puts his face in my butt and he hogs all the attention. He stepped on me!"

"Rex! That man is not your friend!" Aidan ordered, bossily.

"He is our friend," I hissed. "Dan, sit down."

Dan had been hovering, unsure of what to do while the dinky pug mouthed off at him. He sat on the other side of me on the couch. Aidan's eyes bugged out in terror. I pulled him closer to my side.

"Dan is not going to hurt you," I said, firmly.

"He's huge," whispered Aidan.

"I don't care," I said. "Our house is safe. Stop with the 'bow bow bow' nonsense."

Aidan kept his eyes on Dan for a few minutes more, then decided that I had been right about the lack of danger.

Aidan Steps On Rex

I was half asleep but mostly awake when Rex came into my room. He hummed to himself as he wandered up towards my head. I had my face partially covered by the blanket, which, to Rex, is a recipe for disaster.

"You'll suffocate!" he meowed at me, trying to dig the blanket off of my mouth.

"Hi, Rex," I said, muffled by the covers.

"Can you hear me?" Rex demanded, still pawing at my face. "You will die without an air hole!"

I lowered the blanket.

"I have to watch you like a hawk, Mom," he said. "You're going you give me a heart attack one day."

"Mmmmm, I love you," I said.

"I love you, too," he said, trying to figure out how he was going to lie against me with optimum comfort. I lifted my death blanket for him to crawl under.

"How is it you don't suffocate when you're under the blanket?" I mused, watching him make his way down to my belly.

"I don't know. I just don't. Maybe because I don't breathe it into my mouth like you do," he said, curling up so that we made two spoons.

Now that we live with Aidan, I don't get as much time to snuggle with my cat as I think both of us would like, so I was very much enjoying this quiet interlude with Rex while Davey slept and Aidan was somewhere else. I sighed happily.

Suddenly, there was a jingle. Aidan.

"Oh, swears," I mumbled. Rex was oblivious to the coming danger, but I knew very well that Aidan, for all his perfections, did not pay attention to where he stepped on the bed. Ever. Many a time had my head or neck become a platform on which he would tread.

"La la la!" Aidan sang to himself as he hopped on the bed and wended his way up from my feet towards my face, which he was planning on sniffing. I threw my arm across Rex beneath the blanket and tried to shield him from Aidan's impressive 24 lbs, but I was too thin to fully cover my cat's body. One of Aidan's paws landed on Rex's fleshy middle and my cat dashed from beneath the covers.

"Yikes!" said Aidan, startled by the cat in turn. "What was that thing???"

"You stepped on me!" Rex accused, from the center of the room.

"I stepped on the cat!" Aidan announced.

"That was a rude thing you did," sulked Rex, completely forgetting a time some months before.

Rex Steps On Aidan

We were only barely moved in and Rex was still scared of the pug, daring to venture into our room and onto our bed when the dog was out of sight. Sometimes he would spring up onto the bed after carefully peeping over the top to discover Aidan had been there all along, and he would run away as fast as he could. On this occasion, he could not see Aidan because Aidan was under the covers next to Davey.

I couldn't help but giggle a little at what was about to happen, because I knew no one was going to get hurt. Rex weighs only 17 lbs to Aidan's 24 and most of it is squish, whereas Aidan, though somewhat portly, is still pretty solid.

"Don't let him know Aidan is under there," I whispered at Davey, who seemed to be equally excited about seeing what was about to take place. He nodded, and we held our breaths in anticipation.

Rex cautiously made his way across the bed and over to me, where I gave him a kiss and scratched behind his ears. Then he made his way over to see Davey. Like a boot on a landmine, his paw came down on Aidan's back.

"Oh my Gosh, what happened to me?" Aidan jumped up, trying to get out from the covers. "It felt like the weight of a thousand worlds!"

"It's that dog!" shrieked Rex, sprinting out of the room in fear.

"Rex, it's okay!" I called after him, but he was gone.

"That was confusing, but I'm okay now," Aidan reassured, bringing the attention back around to him.

Villains, both of them.

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